I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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