He managed to light the Jello on fire...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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