I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize