Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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