So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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