Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize