i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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