I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize