Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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