It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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