she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize