I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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