There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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