I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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