Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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