She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize