You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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