I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize