So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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