Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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