Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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