If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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