I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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