It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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