Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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