New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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