She's JV to your varsity
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize