I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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