I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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