Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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