escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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