I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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