So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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