Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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