Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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