I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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