you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize