Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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