I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize