I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize