idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
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All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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