I'm lost and stupid without you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize