I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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