i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize