unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize