Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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