its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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