I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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