Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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