Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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